Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
