8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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