i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
