i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
