She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
