i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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