you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
