How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
