I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
