haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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