i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
