I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
