My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think my moral compass just broke
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
