I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
