You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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