The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
