So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
