I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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