it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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