you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
