Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
