he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize