i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
