Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
