I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
