I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
