Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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