When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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