He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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