I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
