How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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