I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
