WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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