Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
