I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
