you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
