I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
