So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you're hired as official boob wrangler
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
