just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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