Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
