he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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