I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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