Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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