Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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