He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
