I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
