So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
