Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
