U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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