Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
