Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
