She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
