New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
