Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
