I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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