I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
