So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
