So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
