I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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