You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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