HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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