What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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