Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
