Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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