I'm so fucking centered right now
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Panties = found
Randomize
