Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
