I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
