I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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