so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
