I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
