apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
